Last Saturday I told Amber that I don't think I'm gifted to influence the institution from within. I'm a people-pleaser... scared say the wrong thing, scared of my own scattered communication. With that in mind, I had been really questioning whether I was supposed to remain in the ministry I'm currently involved in with Youth for Christ. I've been praying and I feel God calling me to continue talking to girls in Girl Talk... and it's a good thing I realized that this week, cause I've got a volunteer retreat this weekend. Our focus is on inner healing and rest for the volunteers, but I am doing a couple of "talks" and it's hard to imagine that I won't say something slightly offensive with all that God has been doing in me. We are sticking to the norm in many ways... we're opening with singing for 2 of our discussion times, although our last time together will begin with a time of silence.
Our idea of exploring worship is a little scary to me, too. I'm afraid that when I tell my parents what we're doing they're going to think I'm involved in the New Age! I'm also afraid I won't be able to let go of the box. I don't really like the box. The box doesn't do a whole lot for me, but it is comfortable. So I'm going to talk to Jesus about ways that I worship that can benefit the community, and hopefully he'll graciously lead me on this journey.