I am trying to learn how to be compelling without being cynical. Sometimes I feel a bit like Peter. Cutting off peoples ears with my zeal. Anyway, a good friend emailed me and said this:
Just wanted to send a brief note of thanks and appreciation for what you
guys are doing down there. I enjoy visiting your site close to daily - I
really like knowing what is going on and the journey God is taking you on.
It's also good to make me think. Some times I agree, sometimes not, but it
spurs my thoughts and makes me think through sometimes habitual actions.

So I guess I want my life and my words to make people think about whose they are and why they do the things they do. I just have a ways to go on the delivery. Never the less I press on......

Buy Nothing Day

Amber and I are celebrating Buy Nothing Day today. Maybe it's because we have no money to buy anything...

"what if communities regularly practiced protracted periods of living without buying? what would that do to our patterns of life? how would that require new ways of thinking? in what ways would that open us up to being shaken a bit by an intentional return to momentarily living through sharing, barter and giving exclusively? maybe we can make this a more regular event? perhaps a core value that somehow shapes our practice of consumption?" via theyblinked.

What Story is Controlling Your Life?

Here's a few thoughts on controlling narratives. I think an important question to ask yourself at any given time is "What is the controlling story of _____ right now?" The 'blank' could be a conversation, a movie you're watching, the job you're performing, or the blog you are writing.

Consider today, Thanksgiving. Most of us float through this day like we have for many, many Thanksgivings. The underlying narrative of this day was usually set by our families who decided to celebrate in some fashion that we simply agreed to as children. Perhaps the content of that story is something like "gather together the relatives who all live within driving distance but only see each other 3 times a year, say the obligatory "starting pistol" prayer, eat loads of food, watch football and play with the kids, pass out on the couch, go home and rent a movie." An average, American story, and one I will wholeheartedly participate in today.

As followers of Jesus, we have the opportunity to see ourselves as players in God's drama at any given time. Even within this Turkey-day song and dance that we act out with our families, there is always a larger thing going on. God is present. He is not satisfied to sit on the sidelines while we tip our hats to the "Good Lord" and thank him for all our many blessings. Sure he loves a heart full of thanksgiving. Sure he enjoys prayers of praise, gratefulness. But in the middle of it all, he is there still forming us, still whispering his love to us.

More about the Order

Here's some thoughts I compiled last month that are in line with my post about Jesus' "Sacred Order of the Towel"...

Discovering the Sacred Order of the Towel - Becoming a Servant Follower of Jesus

The Sacred Order of the Towel

There is one phrase that Todd Hunter uses a lot to describe what he would like to see a missional community become: The Sacred Order of the Towel. That phrase intrigues me. I haven't read much about the 'new monasticism' or the old monasticism for that matter, but there is something cool about integrating the best of the ancient traditions with following Jesus in normal, everyday American life. Frankly, as I've said before, I'm getting tired of discussions about how to do church because they often seem to break down into "how to do the meeting" or what program to implement to get people who don't want to be saved or don't want more of Jesus into somewhere they don't want to be. That is why the phrase the "Sacred Order of the Towel" has me in its grip.

So what the heck is the Sacred Order of the Towel anyway? Jesus initiated this order when he said to his disciples, "Drop everything and follow me." It is learning "the way, the truth, and the life" and "doing what the Father is doing". It means submitting yourself to the narrow road that few will travel. It has no corporate structure, no 501c3 status (sorry T, I don't think you really mind), no bylaws or constitution. It is deciding to learn life from Jesus himself, to become his apprentice.

What I want to discover is how I can be apprenticed to Jesus in a community of people who are doing the same without the institutional baggage of church or the demonic drive to be 'successful'. I want to see a group of people voluntarily bond together, intentionally subjecting their lives to the work of God in his kingdom. I want to stop trying to be more spiritual (fitting spiritual things into my "real" life) and live my real life in the realm of the Spirit.

I'm realizing that having a 'personal relationship with Jesus' is somewhat of a misnomer. Our relationship to Jesus is inextricably tied to the people of God past, present, and future. If I view the deepening of my inner life to be a singular vocation - kind of like a long distance runner training alone - then I'm setting myself up for failure. We must do this together. We must have friends to train with, to create communities that look like a football team during two-a-days or a military unit at boot camp. The "I" must be broken down. The "We" must emerge.

I want to see The Sacred Order of the Towel go worldwide. It is already there in various forms, but something more unified, more
intentionally subversive and kingdom-focused. The early church called it "the Way", we might call it something else. Something that would be difficult for people to nail down and categorize. An organic swarm of people madly in love with Jesus and passionately devoted to each other.

Well, enough dreaming.

Western Culture - I love it

I'll preface what I'm about to write by telling you what got me thinking...

Voting is pretty important to me, and I feel very strongly about it...To me, not voting is like going to a car lot and telling the salesman to bring out whatever he thinks is right for me, then paying the sticker price. But I think that is only a symptom, and that it goes much deeper than that, and so after some thought, I wanted to write about an undercurrent that I've been feeling over the past 10 years or so.

I think that there is a great deal of anti-Western sentiment that many people feel, manifested in several different ways. Sometimes I'll hear something like 'Well..when things get bad, and I know they will, we'll all be meeting at midnight looking over our shoulders for the persecutors..." Almost as if they are sure the end times are drawing near, and they will be glad when they actually get here, so that all the 'real' Christians will be obvious. Other times I hear people wistfully talking about how things are in China, or in Moslem Countries, where people are shot for their beliefs, and sometimes its just in general statements about America, about how far its fallen, or how things used to be, or that taking out "God" from the pledge proves that America is a modern Sodom and Gomorra. Its similar to me to people who live in Florida, who complain about how hot it is, while people in New York complain about how long winter lasts.

I think each culture, each climate, each country presents a unique set of circumstances and world-view ideals that can be contrary to the kingdom of God. It is important to rail against anything that presents itself as the truth that is contrary to the principles of the kingdom, and I support the identification of these kinds of wrong-thinking. I think Paul, more than anyone else in the Bible, had a great opportunity to see how each region presented different kinds of world-view thinking that he had to come against in his letters. The first part of Revelations seems to also address each regional church as having a peculiar set of circumstances. But nowhere in Paul's letters does he say something like "To the saints in Galatia, grace and peace be unto you...and oh how I wish you could be like the saints in Corinth!" I suppose what I mean to say is that I don't apologize for how easy Americans have it, and I gladly face the American world view that comes in contradiction to the kingdom principles in the Bible. Western culture is unique, and presents its own set of circumstance in which we live.

Someone once said that the only thing worse than the American form of democracy....is any other form of government.

I praise God for this time, and for this place in which I live, which is both incidental and immediately relative to the kingdom!

I love being a mom! It is one of my great privileges in life. I hope I am saying that when he is 16. But it does affect my discipleship. Just like many things affect yours. I am seeing the need to be much more intentional about my "digging for the pearl". Otherwise another day is done and I have thought about "digging" all day, had engaging thoughts about "digging" all day and even the beginning of a plan for how to "dig" starts to appear. Now the stalling is off. Time to be honest. Basically, I would rather do something else than dig. I am too sick...too tired...too ..... But the reality is I am drowning without it. I need it like air. I am desperate for Jesus and his kingdom. So I am starting a "spiritual formation group" a la Richard Foster using a great little book he has put together. Just a few from our community will go through it together. Henry Nouwen says with out a plan, you plan to fail. So this is the plan. Even with all of my talk about plans, they are only life giving when Jesus calls you into them. Otherwise they can become legalistic death traps. Jesus does the calling ...we do the responding. It always works better that way.

On Being Green

This story (NYT registration required) which has been in the news this week has got me thinking about the environment, money, and following Jesus. The organization, the Evangelical Environmental Network has a website called What would Jesus Drive? For a long time, especially since living in Palm Beach County, I've been disheartened by seeing massive suv's with fish symbols and American flags on the back end. It seems that the pinnacle of being American and the "blessing of God" equals having a suv bigger than my living room.

Actually, I don't think the question we should be asking is "What would Jesus Drive?" These kind of questions usually end up producing generalized responses that have nothing to do with following the real Jesus. Instead, we should be investigating how Jesus is dealing with us as disciples, how he is causing us to rethink our basic values. Does growing wealthy automatically mean that God is blessing you and it's okay to buy a big car? Not to mention the environmental concerns, but what about the millions of Christians around the world who just want a good meal tomorrow? Closer to home, would Jesus have us go into huge amounts of debt just so we can carry our kids to soccer practice in style? It seems obvious to me that the kingdom of God stands in opposition to anything that will poison the atmosphere or put you in bankruptcy. To me this is not a liberal/conservative issue, but one of learning to live as God intended - enjoying his creation and resisting the need to be cool.

I had a conversation with a friend the other day about patriotism. We saw a Christian flag on a friends jacket and both of us were able to say the Christian pledge because we both were raised in a Christian school and had to say it every day. (This is another story but ironically after the American pledge) I made the statement that I think I would be more comfortable saying that pledge than I would the American pledge. He asked why? I explained that right now in my journey with Jesus I can't put my hand to my heart for any other thing,person, alma mater or ideology, only him. Simply and plainly, I am a citizen of one Kingdom and I just happen to live in America. I know this may be hard for some people to read and I am sorry for that, but Jesus is the only thing I can really put my trust in. I had lots of people ask me if I voted recently. I said "no" because I have not changed my registration from Gainesville, but honestly, I couldn't have done it even if my registration had been changed. There is no party or reforms or any thing else that can truly change the world except for Jesus. I am just trying to figure out how to communicate that with people effectively. So I can't do the whole patriotism/politics thing right now. It is kind of like a basket of stuff in my closet that has been dumped on the floor. Quietly and steadily, Jesus will sort it out for me and maybe I will think differently at another time but right now the only thing I pledge allegiance to is the King and his Kingdom. Everything else is gonna burn!

Amber and I returned from the Florida Vineyard pastor's retreat yesterday. Overall, I'd say it served it's purpose - to 'retreat' a little and connect with the other pastors. My "talk" went pretty well, except for a little meditation experiment that failed miserably. I tried to begin with a short meditation on Psalm 8, to set a "God is primary" context. Let's just say no one was in the mood for silence. Or, silence was not something they were very used to. Anyway, I had a great conversation (and a stogie) afterwards with a few of the guys. Ain't nothing like ending a pastor's meeting with a good stogie.

They were genuinely interested in what we were doing as a community and asked some excellent questions. One dealt with American consumer tendencies, specifically, how can you confront consumerism head-on in the church? Won't that just drive people away? Should it instead be dealt with as a back-end matter of discipleship?

I'd be interested to hear comments about how to deal with consumerism in our communities. I think we're beginning to see that it cannot be neglected for more "spiritual" issues - faith, salvation, becoming a disciple of Jesus. As I've talked about many times, our spiritual life is our life. If that's the case, it would follow that we begin examining the ways in which we blindly follow the demands of television advertisements or categorically accept allowing Chevrolet sponsor a Third Day worship tour because hey, it's worship! For too long the church has used what amounts to high-pressure marketing techniques to "get people in the door". How then, is it possible to confront their consumer tendencies?

I had the honor of attending the mass baptism yesterday to see my good friend, Heather Blecher, be baptized. I had a couple of thoughts on the whole experience. One was... these people are being led like cows or sheep!... the other was... my friend had a wonderful experience with her Savior. It was interesting that when she came out she said, "It all just happened so fast!"

I also had the privilege of a different perspective. I brought my friend Kim Pilla with me who is not a believer... sort of. She was disgusted by the event. She places a mystical energy on the experience of baptism. She questioned whether or not it even "happened" if it went by so fast. Later I heard her describing it to another friend talking about the blue poles which indicated the entrance and the white poles which indicated the exit as well as the mass production of the baptismal candidates dunking themselves. (About 3 or more people would hold hands with a pastor and the would all just dunk themselves under.) Her friend joked saying, "Get your baptisms right here... Only $1.99!" It was funny. Anyways, that made it interesting to have a different perspective.

All that to say, my friend met Christ there... and it was a big weird zoo of mass religious experience.

Is BIGGER always going to be better in Palm Beach County? Sometimes it is hard to be insignificant in this water that we swim in. I am now getting "off line" because I am getting more and more well...disgusted. I hope others of you have days like these:-)

Our local megachurch is having a mass beach baptism today with about 2000 people participating. Rumor has it there is going to be too many people to 'dunk' everyone so it will be a do-it-yourself deal - walk in the water and you're in.

I have to admit that I'm really struggling with this. On one hand I can't deny how exciting it is to see 2000 people willing to confess Jesus publicly. However, on the other hand it's difficult to get excited about 2000 baby Christians scampering into the water high on the adrenaline of the moment.

Baptism is an ancient religious practice. It predates Christianity and was adopted by John and Jesus who filled it with their own meaning. For early followers of Jesus, baptism was much more than a metaphoric act describing their individual spiritual status before God. Especially for Gentile Christians, baptism meant inclusion into a family, a people that was previously impossible for them to join. They were not just "in" in the sense of being saved from hell or signifying allegiance to a particular church body, they were now "in" the family of God. Furthermore, if you were Jew or Gentile, baptism was subversion. You were effectively throwing in your lot with the kingdom of God which stood in direct opposition to Rome.

Somewhere along the line the subversive nature of baptism was lost. Probably when Constantine had his army walk by so he could "sprinkle" them saved. Anyway, like most things about western Christianity, baptism has been reduced to something you can do by saying a prayer, signing a card, and walking into the ocean. Then you can go back to your home or office like nothing happened, if you want to.

Can you see why this is such a struggle? It all seems so wonderful...2000 people! I want to be excited for those people walking into the ocean today. I want to see what God is doing, how he is working.

Maybe the best thing would be to start a discussion. What should the process of baptism look like in a community of faith? I'm not looking for a theological debate on what baptism does per say, but what do you think should preclude the event itself? What do you tell a baby Christian that wants to be baptized? Sign the card and go take a dip in the nearest pool? Or is there more?

Wednesday night was tough for me. It's hard to look at weaknesses. Agism, racism, sexism... insecurity in general is hard to face. I have been thinking, though, that it's easier for me to have a relationship with an older person if they seem pursuant of a relationship. (I think the same must be true when other barriers exist such as race or sex) Naturally, I think people fall into a dominant and submissive role in a relationship according to what patterns they've learned in their lives, and it takes the dominant person humbling himself or herself to a partnership for permission to be given. Otherwise one of 2 things takes place. 1) The submissive person drifts away and is constantly aware of and wounded by his or her unworthiness. or 2) The submissive person fights for dominance and a competition ensues. In this case reconciliation can still occur, but much hurt occurs before it arrives. In God's kingdom, I would naturally humble myself (but not falsely humble... more like an awareness that we're all in the same boat humble) so I would not have these issues in relationships... Christ, you came to level the mountains and raise up the valleys... do that in my life!

Lots going on. Thanks for the comments concerning my uncle. That was only the first of three gut-check incidents this weekend that made me very aware of my mortality. I got an email Monday about Todd Hunter's administrator, LeAnn Schulz, who has cancer that is spreading rapidly. The prognosis is not good. LeAnn was the chief secretary for the Vineyard in years past so there are lots of Vineyard folks praying for her. Also, my sending pastor Arty Hart, his wife and youngest daughter were in a traffic accident on Sunday just after we ate lunch with them in Gainesville. It was a pretty bad accident - their SUV flipped (of course) - but they are all okay except for scrapes and brusies. Thank God for airbags.

I'm starting a little side work with Amber's dad who owns a small engineering firm. We'll be taking a hit financially the next few months as we wait for Amber's business to grow. So, I add my fourth sphere of activity - family, faith community, Amber's business, and now this. I feel like it's something God is doing, though, even though it's going to make me pretty busy. God keeps forcing me to bring everything under his charge - nothing is segregated, everything is formation. More to say on this later.

We are back from Gainesville. Good but hard but good. Jackson had everyone smiling in the midst of a sad circumstance. I was happy for that. I cried more for Aunt Iris than I did for anything else. After living with a mate for over 50 years and then like that have them gone is a situation that is more difficult than I can imagine.

I am slowly feeling better and better, Praise God! I am here to say that "pregnancy brain" is not a myth. I forget names of well know friends and students, I leave car doors open all night long and I've misplaced my sunglasses a half dozen times. A friend of mine who is just recently pregnant asked me how I was willing to go through this again. I said because 1) it is so worth it and 2) you forget how bad the first three months suck. Well, you don't forget, you just remember it as a short time in comparison. You forget that it feels like 3 years when you are slugging it out one day at a time.

On Sunday we visited our sending church. We've been out of the institutional church setting so long that it is very hard to go back. Kind of feels like Charlie Brown's teacher. Ra Wa, Ra, Wa. So I have a question for those of us in our community.(Others are free to comment as well, but we are the ones who have to work it out together) Kevin Rains made a comment on a recent post about gatherings being done strictly in the home. You can check it out but it again brings me back to the question, how are we helping friends connect if they don't do anything else except an occasional Sunday? Because we all know that Sunday is more of a bonus than anything else and the real building goes on the rest of the week and the digging together happens really on Wednesday ironically in the home. Sorry guys I hate to be the "squeaky wheel" but I can't not share what I am wrestling with. For instance, why is it that the Rickards have had an easier time building relationships with the rest of us and they are rarely able to gather on Sundays but the Nossals who can only do Sundays are having a harder time connecting? Shouldn't that be something we are really, really thinking about? I am tired and have to go to bed, but I am happy to know that as I sleep the God of the universe begins another day working out a mighty plan that I will happily engage and participate in tomorrow. (Unless God has other plans for me) I love you all and am so happy to follow Jesus together. It is a privilege.

I'm trying to organize my thoughts for the upcoming Vineyard pastor's retreat here in Florida. Our sending pastor who's organizing the retreat asked me to speak on spiritual formation / inner life stuff. Wow, can you say underqualified? Fortunately I've been developing a "friendship" with Mr. Willard and Mr. Peterson over the past few years. And, I actually have a little first-hand experience under my belt as well.

So what do you say to a group of pastors who are all more than 10 years older than you? Any ideas? I've got a few, some of which I've posted about recently here and here. If there is anything I want to shout from the rooftops to older pastors it would be RELAX! There seems to be an awful lot of stress associated with church growth over the past 20 years. Small-church pastors are stressed out because their churches aren't growing and large-church pastors are stressed out trying to manage the growth they have. Stress, stress, stress. Makes me ill just thinking about it.

So I may just bring a keg and send them and their wives back to their rooms early. Well, maybe I'll skip the keg :). Seriously, I think the church needs to party more. No, I'm not talking about drunken all-nighters, but I ain't talking about a potlatch dinner in the fellowship hall either. I mean taking the lead from Jesus - whooping it up at weddings, crashing some tax collector's house for supper, having a picnic with 5000 of your closest friends. Let's see how outrageously we can wed party with praise, laughter with liturgy.

P.S. You can buy the RELAX t-shirt here at our cafe press store. More stuff there to come.

My Uncle Charles died last night from a heart attack. He was 76. A graduate of the University of Florida, Uncle Charles was a civil engineer who worked for the Army Corps of Engineers for many years. He always was fond of Mark and I, and loved talking Gator football and playing golf. Charles leaves his wife, Iris, two children, a son and a daughter, and three grandchildren. Pray for them and us as we will probably be attending the funeral this weekend in Gainesville.

Kind of ironic after Amber's last post, huh?

Why do some Christians give trite, pat little answers to people going thorough very hard situations? Here is an example. When I had a miscarriage a few years ago someone told me "The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away." That is a 10 on a scale of 1-10 stupid things to say. If you have a friend that is going through whatever difficulty, that you do not understand then keep your mouth shut. Not that you don't talk to them, but you don't try to fix or give incorrect theological answers to what God will do for them just so that it will make them feel better. I think we would do better to have friends that hurt and walk with us through hard things then say something cliche and go on their merry way. That's my 2 cents for the day.

Jordon talks about his church's apparent retrenchment - digging in, settling down, tightening up - whatever you want to call it. This is what John Wimber warned the Vineyard about from his research into organizational theory (and you thought all leaders from the so-called 'charismatic' church were stupid). Wimber suggested that it is the natural progression for churches, or any organization for that matter, to progressively slip into survival mode. Boundaries get defined and slowly but surely innovation is stifled. Visionaries who don't fit the mold are repressed or cast out. The general masses are lined up to unthinkingly take part in the 'program'.

Churches all over the world are making decisions right now that will impact their ability to change in the very near future. Mark Riddle pointed out recently that most large churches operate on momentum. Momentum is an anesthetic. It lulls you to sleep thinking everything is normal, even wonderful. But anything can happen while you're in a coma. The world could radically change and you'd be happy as a clam. Making the choice to retrench, to stick with the manageable, the comfortable, is the death knell for that organization. It's only a matter of time before the auditorium is empty, the classrooms are bare, and the pastor is selling insurance.

But I'm probably just preaching to the choir.

blog template under construction today...i may or may not complete it.

Update...Whew, that was hectic. Probably be working out bugs for the next few days.

So I've been going through this process where God is saying that he wants my heart, and I'm like, 'No you can't have my heart. I want it.' So God's argument is more compelling than mine. He wants life and peace for me and I want... well, I'm not quite sure, but I definitely fight against submitting to his ways. But he's becoming more and more convincing. I think that's what Wednesday was about for me. God wanting all those hidden intimate parts of my heart. I think he's starting to change my mind.

Of course it's a process and I'm excited to give him more and more of me. He knows how to love me very well.

I think the most amazing part of Wednesday for me was the beginning where we came in and left our keys and cell phones in a bowl (like we might drive home drunk) and we washed our hands symbolizing the ending of our own personal stories and the beginning of our communal story with Jesus. It was a luxurious retreat in the middle of my chaos to set everything aside and focus on him. Afterward we just relaxed and let it soak in. Like swimming in a great big pool of Jesus.

The other night we had our community worship experience, FleshBloodFoodWater. I think it went off pretty well. Props to Jonny Baker and his worship tricks #9 - G-force visualization and #21 - Celtic pumpkin. The pumpkin was getting moldy (I think we carved it too early) but still looked pretty cool. Jonny had just posted something about G-force on Wednesday and I happened to see it in the morning. Downloaded the standalone version which allows you to use your line-in to produce the visualizations. Very cool for live music.

The photos here tell about the night pretty well, but I have one quick story. The event was held at the Rickard's house - a cool, 60's style Florida home complete with terrazzo floors. There were about 13 of us, all from our community. Sometime after we had eaten together and spent time wandering around the different stations, everyone was kind of chilled watching Lori paint. Imagine a dim candle-lit room, Enya playing in the background, the light from the visualizations dancing off the walls, minds full of God. Remember, the context for the experience was John 6 - Jesus as the lifeblood and food - a huge feast of him. So we're sitting there and I'm imaging that this is how the disciples felt after the last supper. An intimate community of disciples who had spent three years together with the Master. Now they're stomachs are full, their attention focused on Jesus, waiting for him to speak. I felt like John, kicking back on Jesus' chest - complete safety, joy, confidence. There was such a sense of the chilled presence of God. He's in charge, we're not. He's the Master, the leader of this little band of apprentices who he's invested so much into. That was the highlight for me.