My brother called earlier. He is in the navy and just finished S.E.R.E. training which is required of all naval aviators. It sounded pretty tough. I am really proud of how hard he is working and how well he is doing as an adult. Like most of us growing up, he didn't know what he wanted to do until he thought about flying for the navy. Ever since then he has had a drive that at times I am proud of and other times pray that it wont drive him away from God. Now that we are adults I really want to be friends with him and not just think of him as my little brother who is NOT little any more. I don't know why I brought all of that up, but when he called he said, "I knew you would be home at 7:30 on a Friday night. I'm not trying to be mean but you do have a little one and all." all I could say was "yep".

I was already a little frustrated that our attempts to do something were not realized. Lots of reasons, everyone else was busy, no baby sitter, the baby didn't nap and was really tired by 6:00 and so we were doing everything we could do to keep him going to 7:00. We try to have a "date" here at home, but it is not the same. So Mike is out now trying to find a movie to rent but you all know the pickings are really slim. Anyone have a good suggestion?

Bethany came over the other night and we sat and talked on our coaches on our living room, just like Mike and I did on her parents coaches in their living room when we were freshman in college. It was kind of weird and cool all at the same time. It's like we have watched each other grow up, and I guess we still are. She is great. We have friends in tomorrow from Gainesville for the holiday weekend and we are having a "kingdom feast". The house is a wreck, but they need to just get over it, because there are only so many free hours in the day, with no responsibility and TRUST me the last thing I want to do is do a deep cleaning. Let the dust bunnies sit. They have been there awhile and they aren't hurting anyone.

I guess I am the only loser blogging at 9:45 on a Friday night and I am feeling a bit too sorry for myself. But we do have the cutest baby in the world and I wouldn't trade him for all the dates in China. Do they date in China? Beside "date night" is a totally "western" thing anyway. I am trying to die to the culture not perpetuate it:-) Got to go....Mike is home and the "date" is about to begin. I hope he picked a good movie.

My annual weakness kicks into high gear tomorrow. I, like so many red-blooded males in the south, highly enjoy college football. In my case, Florida Gator football, my alma mater. "Enjoy" really isn't the word for it though, because for many it's borderline obsession. If you don't understand, then you've never sat inside a stadium with 85,000 friends hoping against hope that your team wins.

A few years ago if there was a 12-step group called NCAA-Anonymous, I would have been there. This season (this is now becoming a confessional) I am attempting to go through an entire season without swearing at the TV or going on a rampage when the Gators lose. (Pray for me, because the Gators have a new coach and have probably the most difficult schedule in the nation this year). In two Saturdays, I will have my first real test - Miami vs. Florida in the Swamp. Oh Lord Jesus, help me.

"Praise God, from Whom all blessings flow,
Praise God, all creatures here below,
Praise God, above ye heavenly host,
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost."

This song has been in my head (my heart?) for weeks. I didn't learn the history of it, though, until I started blogging just now. Another religious box-buster . . .

"Thomas Ken wrote this hymn at a time when the es­tab­lished church be­lieved on­ly Script­ure should be sung as hymns—with an em­pha­sis on the Psalms. Some con­sid­ered it sin­ful and blas­phe­mous to write new lyr­ics for church mu­sic, akin to ad­ding to the Script­ures. In that at­mo­sphere, Thomas Ken wrote this and sev­er­al other hymns for the boys at Win­chest­er Col­lege, with strict in­struct­ions that they use them on­ly in their rooms, for pri­vate de­vo­tions. Iron­ic­al­ly, the last stan­za has come into wide­spread use as the Doxology, per­haps the most fr­equent­ly used piece of mu­sic in pub­lic wor­ship."

I've got a big private . . . public thought going through my head & heart that's getting bigger. Any comments on the following thoughts are more than welcome. This is, after all, a public thing.

Jesus said that everything done in private will be made public. Pray & fast in secret, he said, then your Father, who knows all secrets, will reward you. Jesus often withdrew to lonely places to be with the Father. Todd Hunter gave a sermon once on what he called, "the Rhythm of the Kingdom." The tick . . . tock was this rhythm in Jesus' life of . . . private with the Father. . ., then public.

God is dealing with me on developing a private life with Him that repeatedly and honestly acknowledges my whole life to Him, but also accepts God's invitation to Come, and His ability to make anyone clean. (See Kevin Rains' recent blog)--I completely relate. Are there a lot of us in ministry who inwardly wonder if God still wants us to come to him? By "us" I mean Christian sinners, you know, people who have repented a few times. In this private life with God, I'm (re)learning to acknowledge two things at the same time, as often as possible, as deeply as possible--my sin & God's acceptance of me anyway. The key is the same time, as often as possible. I can feel that stretching me just writing it, and it goes deeper from time to time. But that dual acknowledgement is what Jesus is apparently "full of"--truth and grace. Those are pretty awesome things to put together, if you think about it: Perfect knowledge of everything & Total forgiveness. Whoa. Does this shock anyone else? Truth AND Grace? But that is EXACTLY what I/we have with Jesus, truth AND grace--at the same time! We don't have to deny (lie about inwardly) our shortcomings, AND we don't have to be banished from God's presence. The fact that this is old doesn't make it any less unbelievably life-giving.

The thing with the "private" part to me is that this dual acknowledgment is in me with the thoughts that I alone have of myself. Forgiveness is personal. Justification is personal. The way this is rooting in me this week is that I find myself resisting urges to do anything spiritual until I feel like it is "not I, but the grace of God within me" doing it. I don't know if that makes sense, but what it means to me is that God stops me when I'm doing something out of insecurity or fear or shame. I begin to rest in verses that used to scare me to death: "It is not by man's desire or effort, by by God's mercy." Letting God be the "justifier" is what I guess I'm trying to do. I'm coming to the realization, too, that if this is all I ever get, so be it. This is deep. I don't think I can move on to something new until I get this. This brings me back to the private/public thing. If I let God develop this real inner life with Him (the one that I'll know is real or fake), it will come out. There are so many verses on that alone. (Dirty cups, living water, splinters & planks, etc). In fact, whatever I let develop in there, it will come out. I'm thinking this life of admitting I'm a sinner accepted by God is a "do it now or do it later" kind of thing. I know the part admitting my life is the only way to live honestly, and the grace part is the only way to even try after any real honesty.

The public part has to be secondary. A by-product, almost. It must flow out of the private conversations with the Father where we're honest and He is too. Jesus took the secrets of the Father--a real relationship that only he had (No one knows the Father except the Son)--and invited outsiders in. He's still doing that. We've got to follow his example and depend on His priesthood. I mean that we totally acknowledge the truth of our need AND of His grace all the time. How could we not be freaky-excited with that?! Truth and acceptance at the same time!?! It's like going to court, admitting guilt, and THEN getting aquitted. Believe me, it doesn't happen that often.

Excellent post on "Detoxing from Church" from a new blog via John Janzen. Lots to think about here. Lots we've been thinking about.

Imagine a church with wi-fi...

Now stay with me on this one because I promise it will have a point.

There is a subculture developing among net nerds around the future of wireless internet connections. Wifi (Wireless Fidelity, or the 802.11b standard) is a technology that enables you to set up a wireless network in your home, office, church building - anywhere, really - on the cheap. The range is good (about 300' indoors) and the connection is pretty fast too.

The impact wifi will have on 'net infrastructure is quite remarkable. Now, T1 or DSL lines have the potential to easily be delivered to communities instead of just individuals. This obviously makes broadband service companies a little nervous, but you'll be surprised who else is getting a little jumpy over this paradigm shift.

One of the problems for wifi users is finding active networks. So an inventive British IT architect, Matt Jones, recently came up with a signing convention similar to symbols hobos used to communicate with each other in the early 20th century. He called it warchalking, and it's become somewhat of a subversive fad among techies. Warchalked networks are popping up along sidewalks, outside small offices, in public parks, at coffee shops - anywhere there resides someone who wants to share broadband with their friends and neighbors.

It all started out innocent enough...until the paranoid, market-worshipping media fabricated a story claiming that warchalking was a clandestine operation by hackers to identify wifi networks with the potential to be compromised. The "story" (which was created by a British tabloid) has subsequently been picked up by other papers in North America and released as "the truth". One of these stories by a Canadian paper called warchalking a "hacking phenomenon" that "security experts fear the techniques could be used by terrorists to wage electronic warfare on the government as the world braces for the first anniversary of the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks in the U.S." Holy Cow!

Okay, here's the real reason why I went to all this effort to give you background on warchalking. This is an excellent illustration of the cultural waters we're swimming in these days. An easily accessible, open-source technology breaks on the scene and has paradigm-shattering implications. A community of forward-thinkers who have rejected the old paradigm set out to make the world a better place. But the old regime will have none of that. Immediately attacks begin focused at the core of what enables our culture's deepest fears - that you are not secure in this world anymore, even in your own home. Who will protect you when there are terrorist hackers running around surfing on your personal networks? You better batten down the hatches. Close your doors, build higher walls, and be sure to buy more firewall software. The boogie man is out there.

We live in a culture of extreme self-preservation. We in the kingdom of God stand in direct opposition to this. We are part of an emerging culture - not one whose hopes are resting on new technology, but on the ever, inbreaking kingdom all around us. We are learning the hard, narrow road. A road that few choose to walk on and those that do better stick together. There is no self-preservation in the kingdom because we are called to die. My hopes and dreams are wrapped up in the hopes and dreams of God's people.

So I think I'm going to buy a wifi network for my house. I'm pretty broke right now, so if you feel like donating to the cause, you can send a few PayPal bucks my way here. One day if our community ever gets a "headquarters" I'd like it to have a fast wifi network to share info during gatherings, update calendars, or just to surf around while we're hanging out. Or, if we have a portion of our community living together and pooling resources a la Acts 2, why not share a common T1 line as well?

I asked God a question today. In our fragmented, individualistic, consumer-driven culture how can we become the kind of people who really act, talk, think, work, play...live like a peculiar people? Yeah, house church networks and postmodern worship services are revolutionary and cool if you're a evangelical poster child, but how do we begin to invade the world around us with the kingdom in us? If our best apologetic for Christ is our love for one another - our community - then what kind of radical actions should this community take in response to the call of God?

My question is, what are you doing with the creative energy that streams from the Father of all Creation who is out to redeem a culture that lives and breathes hell?

Relationship

I love how deep the word goes. Not just a "cutsie' term you have with people you see everyweek around the context of God, but the actual place that God lives between his people. Even among bloggers, we have relationship by reading each other's thoughts in an anonymous way, you begin to feel like you really know the person deeply. It is still a little awkward meeting someone who's blog you read. When the Rains' family arrived at our Sunday gathering, it was almost like, I know you, but I don't. It was a short time before the awkwardness had passed and there we were, just family talking about the King of kings and what he was doing with us, in us and through us. Most of you know Kevin through his blog but let me tell you, His wife and kids(Tracey, Isaac and Zoe) are TREASURES! I love meeting the other half so to speak. Very cool. Just makes me glad this whole relationship thing goes on and on and on and on and...well you get the point.

Beloved Blogger Kevin Rains and family (daughter Zoe is holding Jackson who's probably looking at a bug) took some time out of their Florida vacation to hang out with the crew today down here in West Palm. We worshipped, ate Cuban food (and drank Cafe Cubano - oh yeah baby), and sweated like dogs at the playground down the street with the kids. It was fun getting to know them a little bit and hear about the ongoing adventures of Vineyard Central.

Amber mentioned to me that she was stretched by their story. They've been a network of house churches (or simple churches, whatever you want to call them) for a number of years now. Kevin and Tracy were telling us that they are sensing another time of transition in their community coming soon. I guess sometimes Amber and I feel like there will be a point where "we know what we're doing" and we can just go for it. But like I blogged on Wednesday, structure takes whatever form is best for the community. In some way we'll never know what we're doing perfectly. And that's probably the way God designed it.

Anyway, Kevin, Tracy, & kids, we enjoyed the time today and hope you continue to have a great vacation.

The baby is teething and has an awful fever.(I guess at 1 I can still call him a baby.) He is fussy and doesn't want to eat and wants to be held all the time, and all I want to do is cuddle him, but I have to give him miserable cold baths every few hours because the Tylenol does not keep his fever down long enough and Motrin makes him hyper and I hate not being able to do much of anything. It has been a long, tight summer. It will be good to start our regular class schedule again and start getting a regular paycheck. Summers like this make you glad for savings - but now we don't have one anymore so there goes that theory. Maybe I should set up a PayPal account like Andrew Jones and ask for donations for our mini-van fund. I'm not being hateful, I think I am actually serious. It has been a very, how shall I say, stretching summer. Only one week left and September is here. We made it.

More from Gordon Cosby...

"Again, this life - koinonia and diakonia - can never be adequately described. One can tell only how it breaks forth and the forms and structures which contain and channel it. But the structures are forever changing. New wineskins are constantly being granted to hold new wines. Most important for members is the ability to distinguish between the life itself and the structures which express it."

Structures. Wow, we spend a lot of time talking about the 'skins don't we? House church this, Megachurch that, cell group, small group, big meeting, small meeting, old hymns, new worship, blah, blah, blah. Structure means something to be sure, but fundamentally, does structure create community or does community create structure?

My thought is that we really have no idea what structure a community will take until there is a community to structure. And furthermore, how do we have any idea what kind of structure will be beneficial to people we haven't even met yet? And what makes us so sure that we are the ones who come up with the structure in the first place?

I find it ridiculous when I hear a "church planter" talk about how their church will have this meeting or that structure etc. when it's just them, their wife, their dog, and their buddy down the street. Last week, I saw a website (which will remain unlinked...sorry) of a new "postmodern" church that is (or will be) using the house church "model". The information on the site led me to believe there already existed a somewhat developed network of such churches that were utilizing this structure to facilitate their relationship. But when I clicked on the "House Church Locator," I found this: "[Blah-Blah] Church was founded in October 2001 and currently consists of one House Plant in northern [State]. Click here to see how we plan to grow." What????!?!?! How we plan to grow? Man, it must be nice to have everything figured out like that.

Yeah, I think small, networked groupings of Kingdom people is generally what the church will look like in the next generations. But hey, wake up, in many parts of the world the church already looks like that. We're not as intelligent and innovative as we think.

Don't become too attached to the model. Don't become too enamored with your particular "postmodern innovation" or how you've "recaptured the essence of early church life." Become enamored with Jesus. Fall in love with his people. Choose to serve them first, not your vision.

And if I hear this verse, "Where there is no vision, the people perish" quoted (out of context) one more time...well, I'm going to...do something. Here's a better translation - Proverbs 29:18 (from NIV) - "Where there is no revelation, the people cast off restraint; but blessed is he who keeps the law."

It's not about you. Get over it.

I really don't know how to express what it is that I am feeling but I will give it a try. I am nervous that people will begin to hang out with us because we are their age, or meet at the beach or fill in the blank, but never fully "get it". You know the journey part, the commitment part, the life together part. I guess I am nervous about people checking the box at our gatherings just as much as they would in a traditional church service. I just want people to know God more deeply and intimately and really grow in him and through him etc. etc.. I guess at this point I am totally glad that Jesus is alive enough to disciple his people and we just need to give him the space to do it. It is about him and not the form always, always, always. Does that make sense? I guess I will chew on this one awhile.

Here's some quotes by Gordon Cosby, founder of the Church of the Savior in D.C., on what makes a servant leader. I think some of you will enjoy these:

On vision...

"The most crucial gift of a leader is the capacity to see new possibilities, new combinations of energy and life coming together and to see now, in imagination, that which is not yet but which ought to be."

"My task is to get close enough to Jesus Christ for him to do through me what he wants to do, which is the call that he has placed on my life."

On hope...

"In War and Peace Prince Andre says of Austerlitz, 'Our loss was not much greater than that of the French, but we said to ourselves that we would lose it, and we did lose it.' In other words, we lost because we told ourselves we would lose. Militarily it was not quite that simple. But the point is clear. Fatalism saps the will and produces the situation it prophesies."

"Hope is a form of faith and tends to produce what it sees. Despair is a form of faith and tends to produce what it sees."

On "empathic universalism" (as opposed to empathic provincialism):

"The great leader sees and feels himself or herself as a part of the whole - identified with the totality."

"The great leader never feels it is us verses them. He or she is for everybody. To be for one interest group is never to be against another. To be for those without power is surely not to be against those with power."

On waiting:

"Are we willing, after we have done all that we know to hold the vision, and to carry it with hope, and to let it be a part of the totality, and to give it our best - are we willing then simply to wait when we have done it all? And simply to suffer, and to let our vicarious suffering be the means by which God ultimately brings the kingdom?"

From "By Grace Transformed", Chapter 2 - The Nature of Christian Leadership

As I sat across from Amber and Lori last night I was hit with the realization that this is long term. I don't just mean that the journey individually is long term, but that I will be journeying with these girls for a long time. It's not like college where people come in and out of your life and you know it's a temporary place. I sat there in the deep understanding that this is where God has placed me for a long while. When I am 50, I fully expect and hope to be talking, moving and doing the journey with these same people. Not that more won't join in or some may go, but I just caught a glimpse of the fact that this is a lifetime journey and a realization like that makes me want to go deeper with the people around me. This is one journey I'm excited to be on and I'm even more glad that I have a lifetime to live and learn it.

Last night was so much fun. We were experimenting with prayer using Psalm 25 with some friends in our community. It always amazes me how you can have a diverse gathering of people in a room and God speaks different and meaningful things to everyone gathered. He totally helped me see the big picture with the business deal. This was his idea and not mine, so I should just let him do it and enjoy the ride.

Just wanted everyone to know that I am having tons of fun following Jesus, even when it is kind of scary/hard/stretching/painful/etc.. Check out the Gymnasium if you would like to try our little experiment in your gatherings!

We had a great time last night at the Freeman's house. Chris, who lives and works in downtown West Palm with inner city teenagers, brought Andy, a friend and coworker. A little background - Chris has been hanging out with us for a few months. He's definitely a 'man of peace' kind of guy. We've been asking him how we can serve and bless what he's already doing and possibly open our eyes up to what God is up to in downtown West Palm. He suggested we might start by cooking dinner for a small Bible study he's starting with the kids, and we agreed. Last night Andy said he had to meet these people who actually offered to come and cook dinner for their ministry. He couldn't believe people from a 'church' would actually do such a thing.

Anyway, for the last two weeks we've been trying to rediscover what it means to pray and be a 'pray-er'. I quoted some stuff from Peterson in the past and have been using his book "Working the Angles" as kind of a guide. He proposes that the Psalms are the starting place for learning how to pray. I think many others would concur with that assumption. However, there are no shortcuts to building a Psalm-laden prayer foundation, and a few weeks of talking and experimentation are only going to scratch the surface. Regardless, we're moving forward in this, and I'll be posting notes from our journey in the gymnasium. Here's this week.

So I think it's a good thing we're learning how to pray, because I'm really wondering what God is up to. Andy, Chris, and another friend Lori are all in "ministry" but all three have had a brutal time trying to connect with a community of believers. I'm starting to see that there is a network (possibly a very large network) of people down here who are faithful Christ-followers but absolutely have given up on the church. (Sound familiar?) Most of them still go somewhere, but they're dying a thousand deaths. Now if only I could convince these people to start informally gathering in their homes or at a coffee shop or somewhere and begin to ask a few simple questions...

Just a thought.

Okay, here's the before and after.

Jackson is officially one year old today. It is amazing how fast time flies. I think he will get his first haircut today. It kills me to do it, but I think it is time for a little trim.

I posted on the Renovation of the Heart book blog today...

Willard says on page 120:

"When Jesus said to the man by the pool of Bethesda, waiting for the angel to stir the water, "Wilt thou be made whole?" he was not just passing the time of day (John 5:6)...This man had been in his impotent condition for thirty-eight years! If made whole, he would have to deal with a "career change" of immense proportions. To all his relatives and acquaintences he would no longer be "the one whom we take to the pool every day to wait for the angel." He would now be...What?..."

"But, really, this man's problem was nothing compared to an individual undergoing the transformation of his feelings (emotions, sensations, desires) from those he learned in the home, school, and playground as he grew up to those that characterize the inner being of Jesus Christ...He will not be always on the hunt to satisfy his lust of the flesh, lust of the eyes, and the pride of life (1 John 2:16). No wonder he has no real idea of who he will be; and he must content himself with the mere identity: "apprentice of Jesus." That is the starting point from which his new identity will emerge, and it is in fact powerful enough to bear the load."

For the past week, a few of us in our community have been talking about identity. For me it began as I relooked at my roles as a pastor, and attempted to ask the question "What is my job?" I discovered that my job is primarily (or chieflly) to be a disciple of Jesus. All other aspects of my identity as a "pastor" flow from that new name - Apprentice. Similarly, in the process of redefining and reshaping our inner selves, our external selves, and the community of "selves" that is the church, this simple re-identification is crutial. Jesus takes first place; he gets the first word. "The earth was void and formless and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters." In a very real way, we have been "crippled" by our earthly formation. As the healing begins, learning how to walk again is the least of our worries. The journey ahead is overwhelming and precisely why we are incapable of renaming and reforming ourselves. "Apprentice" is kind of like the blue or pink blanket the nurse wraps a newborn in before it is returned to its mother. It's "one-size-fits-all". The permanent clothes, name, identity come later.

Some in our community have been experimenting with poetry as a form of creative expression in regards to their formation. I have been experimenting with painting. As we journey together farther and deeper, we all agree that the value of creative expression is unmeasurable. I am posting this poem, not because I think it is good, actually I think it is kind of "Cat In the Hatish" but because I want to put my "money where my mouth is". The other day, I spent time with Jesus, a paint brush, a canvas, and the 1,000 generations cd. This poem is what I felt like I was painting.

We are praying for and calling out those that are far more gifted and talented than this in the field "arts". Not so we can have a good advertising plan but because we believe deeply that it is just another part of our total formation into Christlikness. May we all learn to be creative even if it feels a bit like finger panting.

ribbons of color

ribbons of color have surrounded me for eternity. i lay quietly, waiting for the enchanting call of the ONE.

ever silent,
ever waiting –
ever hoping – and then…

a breath –
a bashful response –
a breath –
a timid response -
a breath –

an exuberant response and suddenly the WORD.



in secret wonder, with little notice from passers by, life is joyfully
created…. with a story all its own…. gently wrapped in the rhythmic story of
the ONE who cradles life from beginning to end.
even after the WORD is hastily left behind.

ever hoping
- ever holding
ever calling –

and then….A faint remembrance -
a call -
a not so distant memory
- a call

an exuberant response

and as if no time has passed from calling to calling life joyfully dances upon the stage held within the story called out by the ONE.

"Prayer is not something we think up to get God's attention or enlist his favor. Prayer is answering speech. The first word is God's word. Prayer is a human word and is never the first word, never the primary word, never the initiating and shaping word simply because we are never first, never primary." - Eugene Peterson, "Working the Angles"

I've been wondering, maybe our prayers would be more effective if we just shut up and listened once in a while.

Why I Blog in Community.
Jordon Cooper's comments (here and here) about the so-called emerging "Christian Blogosphere" has got me thinking about why I blog and to whom I am blogging. Back in January, I happened upon Andrew Jones' site and followed his experiments in blogging for a month or so. I had published whatischurch.com mainly as a way to communicate with our sending church in Gainesville and to spark discussion among people we would meet here in West Palm. Blogging seemed to me like a great way to tell our story and instill the discipline of journaling what God is doing in us along the way. At the outset, I firmly decided that this blog would not be my personal bully pulpit to rant and rave about whatever provoked me. Instead, I wanted to invite our community to participate in something that would stretch us and allow us to share ideas with whoever read the blog.

As a pastor (which I'm trying to learn what pastor really means, so don't get freaked out by the language) I'm learning that fundamentally I’m called to be a servant. This is not my show. I'm not expecting top billing at the next big "emerging church" conference. My identity is wrapped up in the people who I am serving. Anything I write or speak primarily is created for the purposes of building up our community here or for someone specific with which I have a relationship. For example, all the articles I have written have come from email conversations with a friend in Gainesville or from phone calls with Todd Hunter. That's where I find inspiration, where my thinking gets sparked. I don't blindly lash out against evangelicalism because of my painful church history. I don't rant against consumer culture because McDonald's is the Great Satan and it must be stopped. I don't subversively chastise my modern church friends because they carry around too many enlightenment assumptions about truth or gnostic tendencies when it comes to the gospel. Anything I say (or anyone else here says for that matter) will be because it is beneficial to us and to those around us who are on the quest to discovering authentic faith in Jesus and Christian community.

If there's any confusion about the people who post to whatischurch.com, we are a unique, very small, experimental faith community. We don't have everything figured out and often we lapse into old habits, old language, and old ways of dealing with our struggles as followers of Jesus. Here's the bottom line: I blog in community because I am trying to except the fact that I am dead. "Your old life is dead. Your new life, which is your real life - even though invisible to spectators - is with Christ in God. He is your life." (Col. 3:3, The Message) The Mike Bishop who has all the great ideas, who is creative, intelligent, witty, even funny, is dead. Every time I try to be those things for my own good and to fly my own flag I give that old, dead body a treatment of CPR. The new Mike Bishop, the one that God is forming and shaping, is submitted to his Kingdom and to his community. That is where my real life is - where I am not in charge and I take my place as a member of the people of God.

So don't expect brilliance and wit to ooze off your computer screen every time you visit whatischurch.com. Sometimes community is really boring. Sometimes we're overly optimistic. Sometimes we're a pain in the butt. But we try to be honest. So if you want to use your blog to engage the internet culture with the kingdom of God, then do it. If you want to blog about the deepest parts of your life with God to other Christians, do it. Integrity (as my friend T has reminded us) is being the same person wherever you are and whatever you're doing.

Sorry for the length. Man I'm really turning into a Creechian blogger.

Yes, we should be looking. This isolation stuff has gone on long enough. Sunday morning I almost stayed in bed rather than go to the beach and worship. I've had the hardest month of my life to date, and it looked like August wasn't going to bring much change. But, I did go. Partly because I didn't want to explain to anyone why I wasn't there and partly because I was desperate for something to happen in my life. Either way, I got up, threw on a hat, and went. I can't tell you how many times I've heard friends and myself say, "God showed up" about a service, but this was a new one for me. God gave me some answers that I have been wondering, thinking, praying about for a while. But the coolest by far was the realization that I am valued by God. He's been talking to me a lot about how I am created by him and for him with great value. Honestly, I've believed this about God since I was a little girl. But Sunday, I knew He cared for me in a way I had not allowed myself to believe before. I am valuable and special to Him and through that, I am learning to be valuable and special to myself. I have been frustrated for a while with the images projected at women though various media, family and friends, but this goes deeper somehow. This went beyond my worth as a wife and friend, directly to my worth as a child of God. I was allowing outside culture to tell me what I was and was not capable of as a woman, what I needed to look like and where the boundaries stopped. I wasn't comparing myself to other people directly, but I was comparing myself to some ideal I thought I should/could be, not just physically but emotionally and even spiritually. It's funny, my parents never told me there were things I couldn't do and I don't remember being limited in the amount I wanted to learn and grow, but somehow it was there; not from them but the culture around me. I want to go as far as God will take me. I want to be faithful and obedient with my marriage, career and church. I want to be transparent in my relationships and not worry about what anyone (especially family and friends) thinks. I want to move forward in the knowledge that I can still change and grow into a deeper person. Especially knowing that my depths are rooted in Jesus. This is my daily prayer, in the knowledge that He is faithful.

Aggghhh!! I am sick and can't sleep, or I should say get back to sleep. We arrived home safely after a good weekend. (mental note to self - do whatever it takes not to have to drive for 4 hours in a car with a baby) It is pretty much hateful. I fed Jackson so many raisins I think he may be one when he wakes up in the morning.

I have been thinking of something that I have encountered in many church services over the years in several different settings. It really highlights how deep this thing goes. Have you ever heard "Now Bow your head and close your eyes... yadda, yadda, yadda and then the preacher/pastor/minister asks If you have given your life to the Lord today, would you Please raise your hand. Don't worry nobody is looking."- or the Preacher/pastor/minister asks-"if anyone needs pray for anything etc. etc. raise your hand... no one is looking..."

What is up with this "no one is looking business"? Shouldn't we all be looking? Isn't this a family? Isn't this a big deal? Isn't this supposed to be lived out in community? Isn't this living life together.. breaking bread etc? Shouldn't we think long and hard before we make this decision that will radically alter every aspect of our lives and intimately connect us with a family - wether we like them or not?Shouldn't we look at each other when we ask for prayer? Shouldn't we have a party when people enter into the family? Shouldn't we carry each others burdens? Shouldn't we reveal our burdens for others to carry? Shouldn't we realize that we can't do this by ourselves?

This whole following Jesus thing is a big, big, big deal and if we let it, will radically alter our lives for eternity. Let him in every where.

Amber, Jackson, and I are visiting my parents this weekend in Keystone Heights, a small town 30 minutes outside of Gainesville. They're hosting a mini-family reunion tomorrow with a lot of folks how haven't seen Jackson yet. Should be a good time.

If you haven't checked in a while, there have been a few posts to the Renovation of the Heart Book Blog lately. I posted something today concerning the transformation of our minds.

Also updated the blog roll today with a few new favorites.